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Dave (aka Ocelopotamus) and Amy (aka RubberNun) link to my Harry Potter nonsense. So I link to them! And then they can link back to this post, and then I can link back to them. It's much the same process that produced the remake films of The Producers and Hairspray.

Speaking of which, did you know that John Travolta is the fat momma in Hairspray? Apparently this is the case!

Band name of the day: His Name Is Aleve.

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Book The IIIII: Harry Potter and the Big Good-Bye

SYNOPSIS: The Korean War is over! Harry Potter bids a tearful fare-well to all his friends in the MASH unit, and also prepares to graduate from magical school. Some, or possibly all, of the following events take place:

• Harry has to take summer school to graduate on time, and ends up in a class with the anti-Harry. Will they kill each other?
• Harry can't find his wizard-surgeon robes for the graduation ceremony, and has to borrow some from the MASH surgery library. But does he accidentally pick up a haunted robe?
• The graduation ceremony is interrupted by some final shelling from the enemy (or possibly an evil enemy). Some may live, some may die....
• It was all a dream! Classic cop-out, but always good for a laugh.
• All of Harry's tent-mates die in a battle against Eeeeevil, and then Harry must do battle ... ALONE.
• Harry decides to go to grad school in Vietnam.
• Harry oversleeps on the day of exams and flunks out. He ends up living near the school for years afterward, a pathetic overgrown college student who can't quite move on after his magical college experience.
• It turns out all the people in the school are actually brains in jars, and they only think they've been going to school, fighting in the Korean War, learning surgery spells, etc.

NOTABLE MAGICAL ITEMS IN THE BOOK: Professor Bflptsptkk Q. Vlffwghyy's Truly Amazo-wondrous Triple-Strength Waterproof Diploma Holder of +4 Cat-Wrestling. Will Harry ever get to use it? One Surg-ician knows, and he/she's not telling!

SAMPLE DIALOGUE:

Harry grimaced as he sewed up his final patient. "What a day! And I haven't even started working on my final exams!"

He stumbled from the O.R. and walked down the rows of tents. He executed the magical left turn that brought him to the Surg-ician School HQ. But something was wrong! The lights in the tent were dark, when there should have been bustling end-of-term activity. Suddenly Harry was alert, reaching for his Scalpel of Magical Hurting/Healing.

Approaching the tent, Harry cautiously opened the door, waiting for the usual call of "Awk! Awk! Surg-ician on the floor!" from Wiffenwaffer, the magical door guardian. But there was silence. Harry, his nerves on a roller coaster, shouted noiselessly into the night.

Quiet as a magic mouse, Harry tiptoed through the hallways. Still no sign of life! Why was there no activity in the Magical Library of Wonders, where Surg-icians spent the day studying their magical pursuits? Why was there no one in the halls, going to and fro on their way to and from magic classes? Where were the traditional songs of competition from the Magic-Eckers players that should have been echoing through the chambers, urging the players to "Get up/Get up and play the game/Or you'll get kicked in the ass"?

Then Harry checked his watch and found it was past closing time for the school. "Oh, gosh," he exclaimed. "I should be in bed!"

... later on in the book ...

Harry awoke with a start. "Oh, it was all a dream!"

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