Empty-handed.com is a Website run by (and mainly for) the amusement of me, James Allenspach. I make no claims or guarantees on the entertainment value or even the veracity of the content contained therein. Any amusement or insight that you may gain from the content therein is purely coincidental.

And since this is a personal site, perhaps a bit of personal information will explain the site a bit better. Occasional commentary on this page by Gary, the tool-tip homunculus.

Name

James Allenspach

Location

Chicago, Illinois, USA

Occupation

Employed. In this day and age, that's saying something.

Marital status

Got married on May 18th to Amy, who is CRESCENT FRESH, as the kids say.

Pets?

You betcha. Two cats (mine), one dog (Amy's), and a homunculus (nobody's).

Family?

Yes.

Friends?

Again, yes. See Links for more info.

Likes?

Criterion DVDs, music, Indian food, and Surrealism for Surrealism's sake.

Dislikes?

Monkey boys, netlag, pyorrhea, shoes that are too tight.

Claims to fame

• 1995: coded The Page That Tells You How Many Times It's Been Accessed. Got mentioned in a few magazines, here and there.
• 1996: coded Piercing Mildred, scary online piercing game. Game's still going strong, even today.
• 1997-2000: Not much.
• Early 2001: started work on "I Only Live Twice", a Flash movie based on a classic Japanese hit from the 60s. Eventually finished it around June of 2001. Gets a respectable amount of hits.
• June 2001: came up with the original idea for Dictionaraoke. Came up with some sample songs, forwarded them to the Snuggles mailing list. Website went up, got a lot of publicity. Got played on WFMU a lot in the summer of 2001. You can't get much cooler than that. (Or can you?)
• October 2001: "I Only Live Twice" is featured in the fall Incorrect Music Video show at Fez NYC in Manhattan. Attending luminaries (besides the hosts) included The Bran Flakes, Kill Rock Stars recording artist Mike "Sport" Murphy, author Ken Smith, and a rubber nun. Review of the evening is archived over here.
• February 2002: Dictionaraoke gets a mention in Spin magazine, and Wired magazine.
• March 2002: WFMU starts its annual marathon for money to pay its bills. Among the various premiums offered by DJs as enticement for pledges is the Incorrect Music 2002 CD, which features a very Incorrect version of "Big Spender", which I submitted to the show. Helping the premiere free-form radio station in the country pay its bills -- now that's an accomplishment.

last updated: 2002-August-29

This site and its contents are © 1998-2011 James Allenspach. James Allenspach is © 1968-2011 Empty-Handed Enterprises, a wholly owned subsidiary of The Legnog Consortium. All rights reserved, all rats reversed. Monkey Man don't like no squirrels.